"Try looking into that place where you dare not look. You'll find me there, staring out at you." - Dune "Everything I found out, I want to forget." - Bourne, Bourne Identity "If I even feel somebody behind me, there is no measure to how fast and how hard I will bring this fight to your doorstep. I'm on my own side now." - Bourne Identity "It's not a mistake. They don't make mistakes. They don't do random. There's always an objective. Always a target." - Bourne Supremacy "He is really good at staying alive, and trying to kill him and failing... just pisses him off." - Bourne Ultimatum Before you talk, listen. Before you react, think. Before you spend, earn. Before you criticize, wait. There is no new news; just old news happening to new people. Fate will inevitably catch up with those who run away from it. - Jadesoturi I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. - Bene Gesserit, Litany Against Fear. Dune "Once more the drama begins." - Emperor Paul Muad'dib, Dune Messiah Deep in the human unconscious is a pervasive need for a logical universe that makes sense. But the real universe is always one step beyond logic. - Dune Mood? What has mood to do with it? You fight when the necessity arises - no matter the mood - Dune It's easier to be terrified by an enemy you admire. - Dune "Once men turned their thinking over to machines in hope that this would set them free. But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them." - Dune If I speak about the true nature of things, hoding nothing back and nothing sacred, will you find it terrible? - The T'ai Kung At times, because of one man's evil, thousands of people suffer. So you kill that one man in order to let thousands live. Here truly, the blade that deals death could be the sword that gives life. - Yagu Munenori In seeking, Know. In knowing, Strike! In striking, strike well. In striking well, accomplish all things! - Shaolin adage The smallest of streams, left unchecked, soon become raging rivers, the faintest of flames, a raging fire! The easily bent sapling requires a great axe when fully grown. - The T'ai Kung "I'll try being nicer ... if you try being smarter." - Mike Watters "As the software does more of the “thinking,” the user does less." - Programmer behind the 2008 mortgage meltdown "You do what is right. You do not do what is right for reward or recognition, but simply for being a good person. Doing right is not always the easy path. Sometimes it is much more difficult to do the right thing, but in the end, you have to live with yourself, with your memories, and with the choices you made." - X "I complained that I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet." "There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." Don’t let your victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart. The best things in life are not things. Evil prevails when good men fail to act. The only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them. Revenge is a poison meant for others, which we end up swallowing ourselves. Your heart is free - just have the courage to follow it. "Being surrounded the majority of your life with good, honest, hard-working people can trick you into thinking that untrustworthy people can be trusted." - X "Don't Mess With Texans." - X "It is going to get a lot worse before it gets any better." - X Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. Those that cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it. "A fool and his truck are soon parted." - Kevin Oliver If you keep doing what you've always been doing, you'll keep getting what you've always been getting. Only demons should fear me ... and you're not a demon, are you? - movie Frailty "When brains don't work, bullets will." - X "The more you look, the more you see. The truth shall set you free." "The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane." -- Phaedrus "In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is." - Jan L.A. Van De Snepscheut Live well. It is the greatest revenge. The Talmud "Words can never express what words can never express." "In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience." - W.B. Prescott "Where'd all the GOOD PEOPLE go?" - bumper sticker Nothing happens by chance, my friend... No such thing as luck. A meaning behind every little thing, and such a meaning behind this. Part for you, part for me, may not see it all real clear right now, but we will, before long. - Richard Bach You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however. - Richard Bach If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem. - Richard Bach I know there are no life guards on the gene pool, but there ought to be at least a few sharks in the water. The only thing to ph34r is peer itself! This group is like an Escher drawing - we're all condescending, but noone is at the bottom. "You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty." - Sacha Guitry (1885-1957) " The best way to predict the future is to invent it." - Alan Kay "I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." - Mark Twain (1835-1910) "Opportunities multiply as they are seized." - Sun Tzu "There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher." - Flannery O'Connor (1925-1964) “A pint of sweat will save a gallon of blood.” - Patton "nope" - Clary Glover “By perseverance, study, and eternal desire, any man can become great.”. - Patton “Do more than is required of you.” - Patton “I am a soldier, I fight where I am told, and I win where I fight.” - Patton “If everybody is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking.” - Patton “You shouldn't underestimate an enemy, but it is just as fatal to overestimate him.” - Patton "Attack rapidly, ruthlessly, viciously, without rest, however tired and hungry you may be, the enemy will be more tired, more hungry. Keep punching." - Patton While the ways of war are extraordinary, all the weapons of war are found in the ordinary. While men sometimes sleep, chickens and dogs warn of an enemy's approach. - The T'ai Kung Both unorthodox tactics and orthodox tactics spring the limitless mind. The greatest of affairs should not be discussed, the movement of troops not spoken about. Those who speak do not know. Those who know do not speak. - The T'ai Kung "A man must know his destiny… if he does not recognize it, then he is lost. By this I mean, once, twice, or at the very most, three times, fate will reach out and tap a man on the shoulder… if he has the imagination, he will turn around and fate will point out to him what fork in the road he should take, if he has the guts, he will take it." - Patton Living healthy is dying slowly. Do not speak - unless it improves on silence. If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are. You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger. Your Treasure House is in yourself, it contains all you need. When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends. Teachers open the door... You enter by yourself. He who asks a question is a fool for a minute; he who does not remains a fool forever. The path of the enlightened one leaves no track- it is like the path of birds in the sky. Before enlightenment: Chop wood, carry water. After enlightment: Chop wood, carry water. All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become. We cannot see our reflection in running water. It is only in still water that we can see. Student says " I am very discouraged. What should I do?" Master says, "encourage others." A flower falls even though we love it and a weed grows even though we do not love it. Water and words... Easy to pour impossible to recover. If you light a lamp for somebody, it will also brighten your own path. We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. At birth we come At death we go... Bearing nothing. The rich man plans for tomorrow... The poor man for today. No road to happiness or sorrow... Find them in yourself. Although gold dust is precious, when it gets in your eyes, it obstructs your vision. A jug fills drop by drop. One beam alone... No matter how stout... Cannot support a house. The greatest achievement is selflessness. The greatest worth is self-mastery. The greatest quality is seeking to serve others. The greatest precept is continual awareness. The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything. The greatest action is not conforming with the worlds ways. The greatest magic is transmuting the passions. The greatest generosity is non-attachment. The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind. The greatest patience is humility. The greatest effort is not concerned with results. The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go. The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances. Atisha My religion is to live and die without regret. - Milarepa The large print giveth, and the fine print taketh away. I have gone to look for myself, if I should return, before I get back, keep me here. If you're looking for sympathy, you better look between R and T in the dictionary. Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over. The tighter you squeeze the less you have. The ways to the One are as many as the lives of men. To do a certain kind of thing, you have to be a certain kind of person. When the pupil is ready to learn, a teacher will appear. When you reach the top, keep climbing. If the problem has a solution, worrying is pointless, in the end the problem will be solved. If the problem has no solution, there is no reason to worry, because it can't be solved. All know the Way, but few actually walk it. - Bodhidharma Develop the mind of equilibrium. You will always be getting praise and blame, but do not let either affect the poise of the mind: follow the calmness, the absence of pride. - Sutta Nipata Conquer the angry man by love. Conquer the ill-natured man by goodness. Conquer the miser with generosity. Conquer the liar with truth. - The Dhammapada Sometimes one creates a dynamic impression by saying something, and sometimes one creates as significant an impression by remaining silent. - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama It is under the greatest adversity that there exists the greatest potential for doing good, both for oneself and others. Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned. The ultimate authority must always rest with the individual's own reason and critical analysis. A big tree attracts the axe. A fool and his money are soon parted. Actions speak louder than words. All good things must come to an end. All's fair in love and war. A penny saved is a penny earned. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies. Beggars can't be choosers. Before criticizing a man, walk a mile in his shoes. Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. Early bird catches the worm. Ends justify the means. Everything with time. Familiarity breeds contempt. Fortune favors the brave. Good fences make good neighbors. Idle hands are the devil's playthings. It is better to die on one's feet than live on one's knees. If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. If you want a thing done right, do it yourself. Ignorance is bliss. It's always darkest before the dawn Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. Life's battle don't always go to the stronger or faster man, but sooner or later the man who wins is the one who thinks he can. Many hands make light work. Many a true word is spoken in jest Measure twice, cut once. Misery loves company. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Nothing to be feared in life, but understood. Once bitten, twice shy Pain is only weakness leaving the body. Pain is fear leaving the body. Pride comes before a fall. Set a thief to catch a thief. Slow and steady wins the race. The end justifies the means. The only free cheese is in the mouse trap. vino veritas... in wine, there is truth The truth is in the wine. All is learning and all is forgiven. Behind the tears, mourning has silent work to do: It binds up the torn places where love was and gives them a chance to heal. Mourning teaches us how to accept the end of love and helps us start the process of feeling whole again. Two people in love place much of themselves in each other's hands for safekeeping; that kind of interdependence is why the loss of an intimate partner entails the depressing experience of being left behind with a diminished sense of your own existence. Although friendship just after the split may offer temporary relief, it blocks the slow but necessary passage from loss to restoration of independence. If you give in to mourning, unsettling though it may be, it will eventually finish its work. Grief might be thought of as the growing pain of human development. Try not to become a man of success but a man of value. When you need me, but do not want me, then I will stay. When you want me, but do not need me, then I have to go. - Nanny McPhee "Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity." - Patton Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo." - H. G. Wells (1866-1946) "Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever." - Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821) If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished. Never argue with an idiot. First, they drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience. There are three ways to do it. The right way, the wrong way, and my way. My way is the wrong way, but faster. Maturity is the ability to do a job whether or not you are supervised, to carry money without spending it, and to bear an injustice without wanting to get even. -Ann Landers I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code. if there's one thing i really hate ...it's animosity I cant remember my earliest memory. f y cn rd ths y cn gt gd jb n cmptr prgrmng You didn't say anything to hurt me; it's what you didn't say that hurt. #99486 Work is punishment for failing to procrastinate effectively Apparently, idiots of that caliber still exist. I thought Darwinian evolution would've killed them off the first time they attacked the toaster with a knife for eating their bread. Once a computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me in kickboxing. U.N. nuke agency urges Iran to be 'fully transparent'. Turn Iran into glass? I live on the equator.. "the water is stuck again" I used to date a blind girl. Her name was ::.. ..:: .::. .::.. ..: .:.::. I hate gravity, it's always keepin me down. "If your outgo exceeds your income, your upkeep will be your downfall." "Don't pay interest on anything that loses value." "If you need more money, then go out and make more money." "Own your own business -- including the building it's in." ATM Machine: Feed me a stray cat. There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman; some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable... I simply am not there. - American Psycho Most people who receive something for nothing usually end up with nothing in the end. Think of the trees: they let the birds perch and fly, with no intention to call them when they come and no longing for their return when they fly away. People's hearts can be like the trees. He who wherever he goes is attached to no person and to no place by ties of flesh; who accepts good and evil alike, neither welcoming the one nor shrinking from the other - take it that such a one has attained Perfection. "Bhagavad-Gita" When you pass through, no one can pin you down, no one can call you back....Ying-An. Trees are poems that earth writes upon the sky, We fell them down and turn them into paper, That we may record our emptiness. ~Kahlil Gibran We can learn a lot from trees: they're always grounded but never stop reaching heavenward. ~Everett Mámor A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense. ~American Proverb "Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut, that held its ground." Do not be afraid to go out on a limb ... That's where the fruit is. And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative. Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young. 'For we walk by faith, not by sight.' II Corinthians 5:7 For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted. 'The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.' Something's going on, but I'll probably never get it. "[T]he advantage of being armed [is one] which Americans possess over the people of almost every other nation...the [other] governments are afraid to trust the people with arms." -- James Madison, The Federalist, No. 46 "Firearms stand next in importance to the Constitution itself. They are the people's liberty teeth keystone... the rifle and the pistol are equally indispensable." -- George Washington "No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." -- Thomas Jefferson "There is no constitutional right to be protected by the state against being murdered by criminals or madmen." [Bowers v. DeVito, 686 F.2d 616, at 618 (7th Cir. 1982)] "An armed society is a polite society", Robert A. Heinlein I carry a gun because a policeman is too heavy. You lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas. "This is what I don't get about socialists, communists, and others of their ilk. Their beliefs have never proven to be successful. Capitalism has created the most prosperous country in the history of the world. Who do they think they are kidding?" -jq2122 "I think they believe it (communism) would work if they could manufacture a culturally homogenous society of very similarly capable people that can be indoctrinated by birth for several generations and isolated from all competing ideology...much like North Korea." - MouthBQ98 "Marxism has only killed 600,000,000 people. Let's give it one more chance!" - Meaty Hands Reset WINSOCK entries to installation defaults: netsh winsock reset catalog Reset TCP/IP stack to installation defaults. netsh int ip reset reset.log Well, whatever you do, however terrible, however hurtful, it all makes sense, doesn't it, in your head. You never meet anybody that thinks they're a bad person. - Tom Ripley Don't you just take the past and put it in a room in a basement and lock the door and never go in there? That's what I do, And then you meet someone special and all you want to do is to toss them the key and say; open up, step inside, but you can't, because it's dark, There's demons and if anybody saw how ugly it is. I keep wanted to do that, fling the door open just let light in and clean everything out. - Tom Ripley Somebody is always doing what somebody else said couldn't be done. They told me there was nothing out there, nothing to fear. But ... I caught a glimpse of something. I've looked for it ever since. I went around the world, searched in all the shadows. And there is something out there in the darkness, something terrifying, something that will not stop until it gets revenge... Me. It's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me. - Batman Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!" Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs. "Real programmers don't comment their code. It was hard to write, it should be hard to understand." The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. "Those of you needing wheelchair assistance, please remain seated." How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a light bulb? You don't know, man. You don't KNOW. cause you weren't THERE I hate parents who add letters to their kids' otherwise normal names or change them like "JESSICKA" "TIPHANIE". Do you really think that your child will be unique or sparkling because of the confusion associated with their name? All you're doing is setting her up for a lifetime of spelling out her name to strangers. While encountered together in captivity, in the wild, the stapler and the staple remover are natural enemies. I want to find a girl who loves me for my money, but doesn't understand math. "ever since that war on terror started, I'm currently building several strategic size nuclear weapons, and wanted you're opinion, I've secured weapons grade plutonium, now I can't decide, gun type or implosive war heads? I'm gonna mount them on #1283-8171-200 Deep Strike Cruise Missiles, so weight is an issue" "Up is a direction away from the center of gravity of a celestial object." "Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge" - Darwin I want to be able to trust people more. That means I have to be able to throw them further. "A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both." - Eisenhower "We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time." - Vince Lombardi "If it wasn't for C, we'd be using BASI, PASAL and OBOL." Linux == brotherhood of the dateless? Theory is when you know everything and nothing works. Practice is when things work, and noone knows why. Here we combine theory and practice. Nothing works and noone knows why. Geek used to be a 4-letter word; now it's a 6-figure one. i wish my motherboard would find a fatherboard so i could have anotherboard "Sever the main neck tendons before cutting through the spinal cord. That will allow you more opportunity to separate the vertebrae prior to removing the head." america is the only country where people live in trailers. Radio Shack... You've got questions, we've got blank stares. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"? my computer is performing more illegal operations than doctor kevorkian "A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems." - Paul Erdos (1913-1996) "While we are postponing, life speeds by." - Seneca I'm $4 poorer, 1 bandanna richer and I still don't look like a pirate. yarrrrrr, tis a sad day. my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests The short answer is 'yes'. The long answer is 'yeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssss'. The Buddhist hamburger joint: they'll make you one with everything. Back up my computer? I can't even find reverse Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard drive? "Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity." - Patton There is a medieval re-enactment going on inside my head. Fat geeks with cardboard armor are arguing about what type of swords they'd have had back then. Maturity is the ability to do a job whether or not you are supervised, to carry money without spending it, and to bear an injustice without wanting to get even. -Ann Landers "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." - Attributed to Einstein (1879-1955) i made a program that crashed once. i put it in my resumé and sent it to microsoft. \o/ ^o^ \o_ /o\ it's fun to stay at the \o/ ^o^ \o_ /o\ "I went on a 30 day diet and lost 30 days" When people commit suicide, their notes are always sad and depressing. If I were ever to write a suicide note, it'd be funny like "I wanted to kill the sexiest man alive" remember the old arcade games that had a message from the president about saying no to drugs? because of that blue screen before mortal kombat, i stayed off drugs. but unfortunately, i began pulling people's spines out. "A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives." "Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division." A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired. "Vendors created this certification industry to sell products. It's very important to them that it remains viable. But if you let vendors decide what constitutes talent, you're absolving yourself of responsibility." - David Foote "Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution." -Einstein "I can explain it for you, but I can't understand it for you." -Adams I don't want yes men around me. I want everyone to tell the truth, even if it costs them their jobs. -Samuel Goldwyn "bagging groceries is like real world tetris" "Some have it better, Some have it worse. When you always want more, the life is a curse." -Adams "Could be worse, could be me" -x The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself? A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. "2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilamockingbirds" "I have often regretted my speech, never my silence." - Xenocrates (396-314 B.C.) Best file compression around: 'DEL *.*' = 100% compression In Soviet Russia... the jokes tell you! hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: n. fear of long words I couldn't teach someone how to pour water out of a bucket with instructions printed on the bottom. "Men have become the tools of their tools." - Thoreau "There's no place like 127.0.0.1" - Various The infinite possibilities each day holds should stagger the mind. The sheer number of experiences I could have is uncountable, breathtaking, and I'm sitting here refreshing my Inbox. We live trapped in loops. Reliving a few days over and over, and we envision only a handful of paths laid out ahead of us. We see the same things each day, we respond the same way, we think the same thoughts, each day a slight variation on the last. Every moment smoothly following the gentle curves of societal norms. We act like if we just get through today, tomorrow our dreams will come back to us. And no, I don't have all the answers. I don't know how to jolt myself into seeing what each moment could become. But I do know one thing: The solution doesn't involve watering down my every little idea and creative impulse for the sake of some day easing my fit into a mold. It doesn't involve tempering my life to better fit someone's expectations. It doesn't involve constantly holding back for fear of shaking things up. -xkcd.com Love is short, but forgetting is long. Deep in my heart, I'm suffering, knowing that I've lost you. On the outside, I'm living, pretending that I've forgotten you. "Whenever one's identity and social order face the possibility of destruction, there is a natural tendency to feel angry, frustrated, helpless, and/or hurt. The volatile reactions of terror, hatred, resentment, and jealousy are often experienced as emotional manifestations of these feelings." Sometimes in order to not fall apart, you have to let go of what keeps you together. Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. -Kahlil Gibran It is sad because every day we spent together is slowly being replaced by everyday we spend apart. You can't leave me if i'm already gone. Power wears out those who don't have it. They laughed at Louie Armstrong when he said he was going to the moon, and now he's up there, laughing at them. -movie Blades of Glory goth leprechaun for halloween: all black outfit, with a grayscale rainbow, and a pot full of cure albums I used to like to go to #deaf and ask if anyone was trading MP3's. bash.org; yet more proof there are people more ------ -- than me. Principles. Learn about them, then try them sometime. - littledoc91 The income gap continues to grow between the wealthiest and the poorest b/c there is no upper limit on wealth creation and accumulation but there is a lower limit (i.e. zero wealth or value). This is where conservatives and liberals are completely at odds. You see, I can't wait for the first trillion dollar company or corporation. Imagine a company turning a trillion dollars worth of profit. Imagine what human ingenuity and hard work could produce with that kind of capital? As it stands now, we have companies that have been able to develop and maintain massive liquefied natural gas tankers and the like in order to more efficiently transport fuel to improve our quality of life. Perhaps one day, some company will find that it's possible and profitable to drill for oil & gas on Mars and transport it back to Earth using massive space tankers. I mean, who knows, we already drill in incredibly harsh environments miles below sea level and just as much of the R&D involved in the oil industry pushes and advances technology right now, from software, to manufacturing, to virtually everything, the secondary benefits would be even greater. However, the first thing a liberal sees is trillions of dollars of profit and they'd want to impose an "obscene profits tax". It just reeks of pure envy and only holds back progress. There will always be "poor" people (otherwise known as people with less than others); however, the greatest good we can do for them is to make it so that their "less" is better than previous generation's "less". Just look at what the "poor" have today. They have all that technology and benefits b/c as society progresses, those level of benefits become the norm. Think of microwaves, televisions, electricity, heat, hot water, AC, and food. Just as only luxury cars had a talking GPS navigation system in them ten or fifteen years ago, now plenty of lower model cars come equipped with them. The same is true of home computers. Twenty years ago, "poor" people most likely didn't have a home computer; now, you can get a laptop that is literally a hundred times more power and efficient for a few hundred dollars. Hindering progress in the name of "fairness" because some people don't have as much as others is perhaps the greatest injustice of all time. It doesn't just punish the "wealthy" by taking from them; it punishes the "poor" even more harshly because it reduces their quality of life to lower standards. It takes hard work and dedication to increase wealth. You don't even have to actively destroy wealth, all it takes to destroy wealth is to do nothing. As a society or as a species, we can always return to the dark ages; knowledge and wealth can easily be lost, and this would hurt the "poor" even more. - adapted from jamaggie06 "A person who has food has many problems. A person who has no food has only one problem." Inside every uncleared person there's a cleared person trying not to be noticed. -covertcomic The Internet has made book burning impossible and redundant at the same time. -covertcomic When the temperature is warm, crops grow. When the temperature is cold, crops die. Link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agriculture (item 49). Antarctica is about the size of Europe, but it is too cold to farm. Siberia is also too cold to farm. Maybe Canada, I don't know. Let's say you do convince me that the earth is warming. Can you also convince me that the warming would be detrimental to life? Why wouldn't you try to convince me that we've just created habitable places? What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question? A guy walks into a sandwich shop and sees a sign that reads, "Home of the Meanest Grilled Cheese in Town." So he orders the grilled cheese. When his bill arrives the waitress asks him how he liked the sandwich. "Eh, it was about average." People tell me I'm condescending. Condescending means I talk down to people. x2 and ex are at a party. x2 is having a blast, but ex is sitting in a corner by himself. Eventually, x2 comes over and says, "hey ex, why don't you try a bit harder to integrate?" ex replies, "It's no use. It wouldn't make a difference." A TCP packet walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer." The bartender replies, "You want a beer?" The TCP packet replies, "Yes, I'd like a beer." A UDP packet walks into a bar, the bartender says "Hello, what can I get you". The UDP packet doesnt acknowledge. A Broadcast packet walks into a bar, screams to the bartender, "HEY MAC! I WANT A BEER!" Everyone else in the bar hears him but chooses to ignore him. An ARP packet walks into a bar and introduces himself. A RARP packet walks into the bar and knows your name, but needs to know your address. Bit Torrent packet go to bar and asks for beer. Everyone in the bar who have beer gives him a sip. A biologist, chemist, and physicist were asked by a farmer how they would determine the milk output of his cow. The biologist said he would examine the cow's trending milk output in its relatives. The chemist said he would measure the amount of food and water the cow consumes and subtract waste and growth of the cow. The physicist says, "first, I'll assume the cow is spherical, and emitting milk in all directions..." To get to the other side. Why did the tachyon cross the road? Knock Knock Who's there? To To who? To whom! What happens in the event horizon stays in the event horizon. They moved at LIGHTNING speed to get her canned....it took about 6 weeks. - AgMarauder04 It feels like quitting time, and one should trust one's feelings. According to my best recollection, I don't remember. - Vincent "Jimmy Blue Eyes" Alo The truth is, when all is said and done, one does not teach a subject, one teaches a student how to learn it. Teaching may look like administering a dose, but even a dose must be worked on by the body if it is to cure. Each individual must cure his or her own ignorance. "Ain't nothin' in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos." - Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower "If ignorance ever goes to $40 a barrel, I want drillin' rights on that man's head." - Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower discussing Bush's policies "Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before," Bokonon tells us. "He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way." - Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007), "Cat's Cradle" "If you can do no good, at least do no harm." - Kurt Vonnegut(1922-2007) Who is more to be pitied, a writer bound and gagged by policemen or one living in perfect freedom who has nothing more to say? - Kurt Vonnegut(1922-2007) Walking on water and developing software from a specification are easy if both are frozen. - E. Berard "I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." - Mark Twain "Television is called a medium since it is seldom rare or well done." "I'll moider da bum." - Heavyweight boxer Tony Galento, when asked what he thought of William Shakespeare "I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have." - Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) "Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems." - Rene Descartes (1596-1650), "Discours de la Methode" Tough times don't last. Tough people do. "In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." - Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968) "Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right." - Henry Ford (1863-1947) "Do, or do not. There is no 'try'." - Yoda ('The Empire Strikes Back') The game of life is like a boomerang. Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later with astounding accuracy. Every Scooby Doo episode could have been 1 minute long if only someone would have bought a gun. Stalkers may slander or defame the character of their victims which may isolate the victims and give the stalkers more control or a feeling of power. "When we cannot bear to be alone, it means we do not properly value the only companion we will have from birth to death - ourselves." -Eda LeShan "The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been." - Alan Ashley-Pitt "All of our unhappiness comes from our inability to be alone." -Bruyere "Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person." - Mother Teresa "We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone." - Orson Welles I know how to hurt, I know how to heal. I know what to show, And what to conceal. You will never amount to much. - Munich Schoolmaster, to Albert Einstein, age 10 When two hearts race, both win. A sharp mind can cut. - Walt Powell The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren't enough criminals, one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws. - Ayn Rand Democracy extends the sphere of individual freedom: socialism restricts it. Democracy attaches all possible value to each man; socialism makes each man a mere agent, a mere number. Democracy and socialism have nothing in common but one word: equality. But notice the difference: while democracy seeks equality in liberty, socialism seeks equality in restraint and servitude." - Alexander de Tocqueville 1848 The moral code, the moral compass of the State-Controlled Media is something to behold. Now, some of you may not know the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize Winner hosted a state dinner last night for Hu Jintao of China. Hu Jintao is holding the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize Winner in prison in China. Not making it up. The 2009 Nobel Peace Prize Winner hosted a dinner for the guy holding the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize Winner in prison, and the media does not get the irony of this at all. They're too busy running around chasing Sarah Palin and radio talk show hosts over "civility." Our media is so fraudulent. No talk about the political prisoners. No talk about the gulags. - Limbaugh Bumper Sticker: Driver carries no cash. He's married. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but a picture of someone saying this requires a caption. I cannot confirm or deny that the following quotes may or may not have come from covert comic - If you show up on time for a time management course, do you even need to be there? Don't be afraid to die, and don't be afraid to live forever. If you want to soar like an eagle, then work like an ant. In some ways people are really, really different, and in other ways they're really, really alike. The brightest light won't lead you out of darkness if your eyes are closed. Any person can do well, even at things for which they have no natural aptitude, if they really make an effort. To face unpleasant truths can make you a stronger person. Sometimes it's as important to be distinctive as it is to be good. If you want to be recognized as knowledgeable, confess your ignorance. If you want to get the best assignments, be willing to do the worst assignments. If you do good work, expect to receive a good deal of criticism, and if you do great work, expect to receive a great deal of criticism. If you want to be ignored, offer to tell everybody everything that you're doing. - From a CIA Operative, he continues on: Many times at CIA I've scared away overly inquisitive people by telling them what I was doing in excruciating detail. One 'technical briefing' on the project in question, and most of the time they never bothered me again. Respect the system, be polite to the system, obey the system whenever possible, but don't automatically accept what the system tells you. Be persistent. Keep working to achieve your objective, even if you encounter obstacles. And if you discover that you can't get over an obstacle, try going around it, or through it, or under it, or back the other way, around the whole world if necessary, in order to come up behind it. Some change and become new people, while others change and increasingly become the same old person they've always been. Nothing reminds a person of their own mortality like being killed. Secret 110343. Freedom isn’t something that's given to you – freedom is something you negotiate a loan for at the cheapest rate of interest, lowest down payment and offering the least collateral possible. You're either a people person, a non-people person, a people non-person, or a non-people non-person. Please treat the information in this briefing as sensitive. It has feelings too. The mightiest of weapons is truth. And everyone knows you're not permitted to bring a weapon into a Government building. Secret 6891.222. The difference between a Top Secret document, and a document marked For Official Use Only, is that the latter can be used as a doorstop in any US Government facility, while the former is only permitted to serve this function inside a secure US Government vault. Secret 112518.35. In America we don't have suicide bombers, we have 'successful people.' Wanna come over to my place and see my intelligence collection? The thought of terror is more terrifying than the act of terrorism intended to give rise to it. 'Terror' - Whoa!!! ... See what I mean? Whenever I hear someone say, "Where I come from, we used to leave our front doors unlocked at night," I ask that person to close their eyes for a moment. Then I say to them: "Yeah, I remember you now." Are more people suffering from Attention Deficit Disorder these days, or are there just fewer things worth paying attention to? Saw a photo in the newspaper of an anti-war demonstrator carrying a sign that said: 'You Can't Eat A Fixed-Wing Bomber.' That's when the idea hit me: A fixed-wing bomber you can eat! It could carpet bomb terrorists and their supporters, and if it happened to get shot down, hey, a gift to the freedom-loving, terror-hating people of that country from US taxpayers. Must remember to propose this idea at our morning staff meeting next week. Secret 21813221. A sinkhole is a pothole that read a self-help book. I am no longer flirting with disaster – we are now formally engaged. How can a stick have a short end? Secret 1594032238. Once a NOC, never a NOC. The state of confusion has more than two senators. The job knew I was dangerous when it took me. Secret 5891368291035. The same piece of intelligence can save your life and get you killed. And not necessarily in that order. Secret 80539118. If you laughed slowly enough, you’d think you were being serious. Whenever I hear people say, 'He died doing what he loved,' I always think, 'He loved dying?' There are no passengers on spaceship Earth – we're all sky marshals. It must be a good feeling to have your own fishing show on TV, knowing you're feeding all those millions of people for a lifetime. The real question isn't whether you're cleared for top secret, it's whether you're cleared for unclassified. If I loaned you a hammer, would you promise not to hammer in the mornin', or in the evenin', all over this land? Good: showing your enemies what you’re made of. Not so good: showing them at the quantum level. We laugh at the film Battlefield Earth, but I bet if you were an earthling it wouldn’t seem so funny. Encrypt before reading. Secret 413(2.7182818). Every action is a covert action. They say the greatest danger is doing nothing. And I live for danger. Being overrated is underrated. If life gives you Dalai Lamas, make Dalai Lamanade. It’s not a matter of principle, it’s a principle of matter. In order to send a more positive message, instead of smashing their guitars at the end of a concert, maybe rock stars could reconstruct guitars out of broken parts and play a song on them. I've never quite been comfortable with the fact that lionesses raise the young and do all the hunting, while the lions lay around all day in the shade. ... I mean, shouldn't the lionesses be fanning the lions? The most common last name in the world is Wong. The most common first name in the world is Muhammad. ... Is there even one guy somewhere named Muhammad Wong? If there’s one prediction we can safely make about the future, it’s that guarding the self-destruct mechanism will continue to be a remarkably low paying job. In my opinion, a woman doesn't deserve the title of 'supermodel' until she proves she can actually fly. Proposal for resolving the ‘paper defeats rock’ controversy: eliminate paper, rock and scissors altogether, and replace them with the following more realistic hierarchy: intercontinental ballistic missile – pellet gun – mouse chewing on power cord. As an Agency employee, whenever I hear that the CIA is programming people's minds, I have to laugh. I don't want to laugh when I hear this, but I have to. They say you can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea. I say: any man I want to? Secret 926191.4. What you are eats you. Secret 912.1.921. What goes around comes around only if you fail to maintain sufficient orbital velocity. The friend of my friend is my enemy. They say Washington DC is filled with beautiful, intelligent young women looking for husbands. ... Hey, I’m a husband. I am now so far ahead of my time, I'm lapping it. If we can’t peacefully resolve our differences, let us at least violently resolve our similarities. As a CIA employee, I assume that when I die certain classified sections of my life will not pass before my eyes. I used to say: 'This too shall pass.' But after awhile I stopped saying it. They say that unless you're the lead dog, the view never changes. Then again, if you're a dog you probably like that view. Stop the war machine! (I want to jump on!) Secret 1118.95. Classified research demonstrates conclusively that breakfast-time coups are the most important coup of the day. If I trip and fall in a CIA conference room while giving a top secret intelligence briefing, and everybody in the room is under State Department cover, do I make a sound? Let the record show that the record doesn't show anything. Never say to co-workers: 'It's not my job.' Say: 'It's Nhat Mai's job.' Then tell them Nhat Mai works in Enterprise Architecture Systems Engineering Group. After my accident, the doctors told me I shouldn't be alive. It wasn't a medical opinion - they were expressing a deeply held personal belief. If there's rioting in the streets, use the sidewalk. If you dance with death, is it even possible not to do the Macarena? Cato the Elder said "After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one." I'm betting that's why Cato the Elder has a monument. I'm happy to participate in brainstorming – just don’t expect a Category 5. It takes a galaxy to raise a solar system. In the fourth dimension, to ‘think outside the tesseract’ is physically impossible. Whenever I feel like giving up, I look at the faces of my wife and children, and I remember that I already have. The possession of facts is knowledge; the use of facts is wisdom; the creation of facts is covert action. I'm not just bad to the bone – I'm bad all the way to the hematopoietic and adipose bone marrow tissues! Secret 40087.083. A lot of counterintelligence goes a short way. When I'm mediocre, I'm very mediocre. But when I'm average, I'm mediocreer. Secret 13818571. To be as wise as the Zen master, be as foolish. Closed letter to the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence: There's nothing wrong with the CIA that can't be fixed by what's even more wrong with the CIA. Secret 0.361929. Know thyself, but officially disavow the relationship. Instead of building a better mousetrap, why not just genetically engineer an inferior mouse? Most people mistake having an opinion for thinking. This isn't my opinion, it's also what I think. When they finally sacked Troy after ten long years of war, you just know the ancient Greeks were thinking: "We should have tried this Trojan horse thing the very first week." - end of quotes that I cannot confirm or deny that may or may not have come from covert comic "I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves." - Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951) If all that Americans want is security, they can go to prison. They’ll have enough to eat, a bed and a roof over their heads. But if an American wants to preserve his dignity and his equality as a human being, he must not bow his neck to any dictatorial government. - Dwight D. Eisenhower Dec 1948 "Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see." - Benjamin Franklin There's no such thing as tough. There's trained and untrained. Which one are you? - Creasy, Man on Fire e-mail is just really lagged irc - CrazySpence 'feel free to print this email, trees are a renewable resource' I put the Laughter in Slaughter -Howdizzle Oh Baracus, who was in 'Nam, Mr. T be thy name. Thy van will come with Face and Hannibal, on Earth as it is on TV-Land. Give us this day, our daily milk, and pity us fools, as we pity the fools who cross us. Lead us not into airplanes, and deliver us from Murdock. For thine is the Mohawk and the Van, and the Gold Chains, forever, or at least until the mid-80's. Amen. -Vod "The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense." - Edsgar Dijkstra "C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg." - Bjarne Stroustrup "A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems." - Paul Erdos (1913-1996) "Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." - Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821) God shows his contempt for wealth by the kind of person he selects to receive it. -- Austin O'Malley I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. By Steve Wright I'm the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy. - Dignam, The Departed I don't want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me. - Costello, The Departed No one gives it to you. You have to take it. - Costello, The Departed "The Irish is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever." - Freud on the Irish Do you want to be a cop, or do you want to appear to be a cop? It's an honest question. A lot of guys just want to appear to be cops. - The Departed You can't trust a guy that acts like he's got nothing to lose. - Costello, The Departed Laying low is not what I do. - Costello, The Departed One of us had to die. With me, it tends to be the other guy. - Costello, The Departed Not only have I never actually been exploited and oppressed by multinational corporations, I myself am a multinational corporation. -CovertComic One thing I find offensive is people who stand on street corners shaking cups with coins in them. I mean, hey, I have money too, but you don't see me flaunting it in public like that. -CovertComic FDA Issues Fatwa: 'Kill Harmful Bacteria Everywhere You Find Them In The World' -CovertComic It's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame. You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. When you work here, you can name your own salary. I named mine, "Jeff". If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Red meat is not bad for you, Fuzzy green meat is bad for you. Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name. The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population It's easy to consider yourself an investor in good times, but it's the down markets that separate the real investors from the speculators. - The Mole "Be fearful when others are greedy and greedy when others are fearful." - Warren Buffett "Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another... If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice!" - Joker "Barbossa: The world used to be a bigger place. Sparrow: The world's still the same - there's just less in it." - Pirates of the Caribbean, At World's End "Do you think he plans it all out or just makes it up as he goes along?" - Pirates of the Caribbean, At World's End If I may lend a machete to your intellectual thicket. - Pirates of the Caribbean, At World's End "I think that this is the first time I am meeting most of you. But to me, whether it is an old friend or new friend, there's not much difference anyway, because I always believe we are the same; we are all human beings. Of course, there may be differences in our cultural background or way of life, there may be differences in our faith, or we may be of a different color, but we are human beings, consisting of the human body and the human mind. Our physical structure is the same, and our mind and our emotional nature are also the same. Whenever I meet people, I always have the feeling that I am encountering another human being, just like myself. I find it is much easier to communicate with others on that level. If we emphasize specific characteristics, like I am Tibetan or I am Buddhist, then there are differences. But those things are secondary. If we can leave the differences aside, I think we can easily communicate, exchange ideas, and share experiences." - Dalai Lama "genuine compassion is based on the rationale that all human beings have an innate desire to be happy and overcome suffering, just like myself. And, just like myself, they have the natural right to fulfill this fundamental aspiration. On the basis of the recognition of these equality and commonality, you develop a sense of affinity and closeness with others." - Dalai Lama There exists no intransigent opposites except in the beliefs of men. Anyone can rip aside the veil of Time. - Dune The mystery of life isn't a problem to solve, but a reality to experience. - Dune And the price we paid was the price men have always paid for achieving a paradise in this life - we went soft, we lost our edge. - Dune Within the body there are billions of different particles. Similarly, there are many different thoughts and a variety of states of mind. It is wise to take a close look into the world of your mind and to make the distinction between beneficial and harmful states of mind. Once you can recognize the value of good states of mind, you can increase or foster them. - Dalai Lama Compassion and tolerance are not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. - Dalai Lama Media people should have long noses like an elephant to smell out politicians, mayors, prime ministers and businessmen. We need to know the reality, the good and the bad, not just the appearance. - Dalai Lama People inflict pain on others in the selfish pursuit of their happiness or satisfaction. Yet true happiness comes from a sense of inner peace and contentment, which in turn must be achieved through the cultivation of altruism, of love and compassion and elimination of ignorance, selfishness and greed. - Dalai Lama We are all so much together and yet we are all dying of loneliness. - A. Schweitzer Human beings have a need (probably based in biology) for something that we will call the "power process." This is closely related to the need for power (which is widely recognized) but is not quite the same thing. The power process has four elements. The three most clear-cut of these we call goal, effort and attainment of goal. (Everyone needs to have goals whose attainment requires effort, and needs to succeed in attaining at least some of his goals.) - Unabomber, Dr. Theodore John "Ted" Kaczynski Thus, in order to avoid serious psychological problems, a human being needs goals whose attainment requires effort, and he must have a reasonable rate of success in attaining his goals. - Unabomber, Dr. Theodore John "Ted" Kaczynski Freedom means being in control (either as an individual or as a member of a small group) of the life-and-death issues of one's existence; food, clothing, shelter and defense against whatever threats there may be in one's environment. Freedom means having power; not the power to control other people but the power to control the circumstances of one's own life. One does not have freedom if anyone else (especially a large organization) has power over one, no matter how benevolently, tolerantly and permissively that power may be exercised. - Unabomber, Dr. Theodore John "Ted" Kaczynski Some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn. - Alfred, The Dark Knight The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules! - Joker, The Dark Knight Why so serious? - Joker, The Dark Knight Let me get this straight: You think that your client, one of the wealthiest, most powerful men in the world, is secretly a vigilante who spends his nights beating criminals to a pulp with his bare hands. And your plan is to blackmail this person? Good luck. - Lucius You know, I just do things. The mob has plans, the cops have plans, Gordon's got plans. You know, they're schemers. Schemers trying to control their worlds. I'm not a schemer. I try to show the schemers how pathetic their attempts to control things really are. So, when I say that you and your girlfriend was nothing personal, you know that I'm telling the truth. It's the schemers that put you where you are. You were a schemer, you had plans, and look where that got you. I just did what I do best. I took your little plan and I turned it on itself. Look what I did to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets. You know what I noticed? Nobody panics when things go according to plan. Even if the plan is horrifying. If tomorrow I tell the press that, like, a gang banger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it's all part of the plan. But when I say that one little old mayor will die, well then everyone loses their minds! - Joker, The Dark Knight Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos? It's fair. - Joker, The Dark Knight "If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?" - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) "Few things are harder to put up with than a good example." - Mark Twain (1835-1910) "Hell is other people." - Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980) "I am become death, shatterer of worlds." - Robert J. Oppenheimer (1904-1967) (citing from the Bhagavad Gita, after witnessing the world's first nuclear explosion) "Happiness is good health and a bad memory." - Ingrid Bergman (1917-1982) "Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate." - Thomas Jones -- Start of John Wayne quotes A man's got to do what a man's got to do. Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway. Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid. Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday. Talk low, talk slow and don't say too much. A horse is a horse,it ain't make a difference what color it is. I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted, and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people and I require the same from them. Well, there are some things a man just can't run away from. Out here a man settles his own problems. Out here, due process is a bullet. I don't act. I react. Don't ever for a minute make the mistake of looking down your nose at westerns. They're art--the good ones, I mean. They deal in life and sudden death and primitive struggle, and with the basic emotions--love, hate, and anger--thrown in. We've made mistakes along the way, but that's no reason to start tearing up the best flag God ever gave to any country. Perversion and corruption masquerade as ambiguity. I don't trust ambiguity. Some people tell me everything isn't black and white. But I say why the hell not? I'm a progressive thinker, even though I'm not in the liberal strain. You can't whine and bellyache because somebody else got a good break and you didn't. I drink for comradeship, and when I drink for comradeship, I don't bother to keep count. I want to play a real man in all my films, and I define manhood simply: men should be tough, fair, and courageous, never petty, never looking for a fight, but never backing down from one either. Sure, I wave the American flag. Do you know a better one? It's kind of a sad thing when a normal love of country makes you a 'super patriot'. Give the American people a good cause and there's nothing they can't lick. America is the land of freedom and that's the way I enjoy living. A man's got to have a code, a creed to live by, no matter his job. My hope and prayer is that everyone know and love our country for what she really is and what she stands for. He was against "these people who carry placards to save the life of some criminal, yet have no thought for the innocent victim." These new thing of genuflecting to the downtrodden, I don't go along with that. We ought to go back to praising the kids who get good grades, instead of making excuses for the ones who shoot the neighborhood groceryman. I've always followed my father's advice: He told me, first, to always keep my word and, second, to never insult anybody unintentionally. If I insult you, you can be damn sure I intend to. And, third, he told me not to go around looking for trouble. In response to Miss Mary, who tells him he's made of granite: "No, Mary, just common clay. It bakes kind of hard in Texas." "And speaking of politics, where we're going there are only two parties: the quick and the dead." We brought nothing into this world, and it's certain we can carry nothing out. Well, if you saw them, sir, they weren't Apaches. Well, I don't favor talking to vermin, but I'll talk to you just this once... If one of your men cross my land or even touch one of my cows, or do anything to that store, I'm not going to the sheriff, the governor, or the president of the United States. I'm coming to see you. I'm looking at a tin star with a drunk pinned on it. If you can't respect your elders, then I'll just have to teach you to respect your betters. Forget it! He's just spittin' up words to see where they splatter. I am an old-fashioned, honest-to-goodness, flag-waving patriot. -- End of John Wayne quotes -- Start of Lincoln quotes (attributed) Truth is generally the best vindication against slander. America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves. - Paraphrase, Lyceum address of 1838 Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm. Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe. I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends. I am a slow walker, but I never walk back. Those who deny freedom to others, deserve it not for themselves; and, under a just God, can not long retain it. It is the eternal struggle between these two principles - right and wrong - throughout the world. They are the two principles that have stood face to face from the beginning of time; and will ever continue to struggle. We live in the midst of alarms; anxiety beclouds the future; we expect some new disaster with each newspaper we read. - 1856 The better part of one's life consists of his friendships. -- End of Lincoln quotes (attributed) I am Ripper... Tearer... Slasher... Gouger. I am the Teeth in the Darkness, the Talons in the Night. Mine is Strength... and Lust... and Power! I AM BEOWULF! There is no i in TEAMWORK. None of us is as smart as all of us. Teamwork divides the task and doubles the success. Coming together, sharing together, working together, succeeding together. A job worth doing is worth doing together. Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success. Pace yourself...an elephant can be swallowed, one bite at a time. Better to bend than break. Fail to plan, plan to fail. As a wise man once said, you really are not paranoid if they are out to get you. Beware the fury of a patient man. - John Dryden (Absalom and Achitophel) (1681) Genius must be born, and never can be taught. - Dryden, Epistle to Congreve, l. 60 (1693) Better one suffer, than a nation grieve. - John Dryden But far more numerous was the herd of such, Who think too little, and who talk too much. - John Dryden Not heaven itself upon the past has power; But what has been, has been, and I have had my hour. - Dryden She feared no danger, for she knew no sin. - Dryden, 1687 "knowledge is the gift where the more you give away, the more you get" I'd like it better if you didn't think I was stupid. - Paul Sunday If I travel all the way out there and I find that you've been lying to me, I'm going to find you and I'm going to take more than my money back. Is that all right with you? - Plainview One night, I'm gonna come to you, inside of your house, wherever you're sleeping, and I'm going to cut your throat. - Plainview You'll see what I can do. - Plainview Plainview: You don't tell me how to raise my family. I told you not to tell me how to raise my family. Falling down an up escalator "No. I saw a hole in the Man, deep like a hunger he will never fill. It is what makes him sad and what makes him want. He will go on taking and taking, until one day the World will say, 'I am no more and I have nothing left to give." - Apocalypto You fear me? So you should. All you who are vile. Would you like to know how you will die? The sacred time is near. - Apocalypto What do ya want me to do? Die of old age? - Hub, Secondhand Lions We're fixin to die anytime, so if we kick off in the middle of the night, you're on your own - Hub, Secondhand Lions "Hell is paved with good samaritans." - William M. Holden "Revenge is a dish best served cold" - Old Klingon proverb. Bill: Now, a staple of the superhero mythology is, there's the superhero and there's the alter ego. Batman is actually Bruce Wayne, Spider-Man is actually Peter Parker. When that character wakes up in the morning, he's Peter Parker. He has to put on a costume to become Spider-Man. And it is in that characteristic Superman stands alone. Superman didn't become Superman. Superman was born Superman. When Superman wakes up in the morning, he's Superman. His alter ego is Clark Kent. His outfit with the big red "S", that's the blanket he was wrapped in as a baby when the Kents found him. Those are his clothes. What Kent wears - the glasses, the business suit - that's the costume. That's the costume Superman wears to blend in with us. Clark Kent is how Superman views us. And what are the characteristics of Clark Kent. He's weak... he's unsure of himself... he's a coward. Clark Kent is Superman's critique on the whole human race. Sorta like Beatrix Kiddo and Mrs. Tommy Plimpton. The Bride: Aso. The point emerges. Bill: You would've worn the costume of Arlene Plimpton. But you were born Beatrix Kiddo. And every morning when you woke up, you'd still be Beatrix Kiddo. Oh, you can take the needle out. The Bride: [does so] Are you calling me a superhero? Bill: I'm calling you a killer. A natural born killer. You always have been, and you always will be. Moving to El Paso, working in a used record store, goin' to the movies with Tommy, clipping coupons. That's you, trying to disguise yourself as a worker bee That's you tryin' to blend in with the hive. But you're not a worker bee. You're a renegade killer bee. And no matter how much beer you drank or barbecue you ate, nothing in the world would ever change that. Bill: I was very sad. And that was when I learned, some things, once you do, they can never be undone. Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore. - proverb Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. There's just some people we need to kick off the planet. - Former firing squad member The death penalty is nothing more than sending a defective product back to the manufacturer. - Former firing squad member Embrace change; eat two meals a day; work as long as you can; help others, and don't fear death because you're born to die. - 114 year old Walter Breuning The 'safety net' has become a hammock. "We serial killers are your sons, we are your husbands, we are everywhere. And there will be more of your children dead tomorrow" - Ted Bundy "What's one less person on the face of the earth, anyway?" - Ted Bundy "We didn't starve. We spent wisely. Like I tell people in the ghetto, "If you can buy guns and bullets, why can't you buy food? You can buy heroin and crack cocaine, so why can't you buy bread and butter and milk? Why can't you pay your rent?" There's a lot of people in the ghetto who go out and get a fancy car and all that. The car costs more than their house. Meanwhile, your kids need shoes. That's not cool." - Mr. T "First name Mr, middle name 'period', last name T!" - Mr. T "Hey, you with the teeth..." - Mr. T "As a kid, I got three meals a day. Oatmeal, miss-a-meal and no meal." - Mr. T "When I was growing up, my family was so poor we couldn't afford to pay attention. " "It takes a smart guy to play dumb." - Mr. T "I tell people that I was born and raised in the ghetto, but the ghetto was not born and raised in me." - Mr. T "I don't hate fools, I pity them!" - Mr. T "Life's tough, but I'm tougher!" - Mr. T "I pity the fool" - Mr. T "Teachin' fools some basic rules!" - Mr. T "Go ahead and print this email, trees are a renewable resource." Life is like an analogy. "I hate being so smart, because I always know how things are going to turn out." Civilization and profit go hand in hand. - C Coolidge Don’t expect to build up the weak by pulling down the strong. - C Coolidge There is no dignity quite so impressive, and no one independence quite so important, as living within your means. - C Coolidge Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery. - C Coolidge Perhaps one of the most important accomplishments of my administration has been minding my own business. - C Coolidge To live under the American Constitution is the greatest political privilege that was ever accorded to the human race. - C Coolidge Give him an inch and he'll take a mile? The obvious solution: give him 1/63,360 of an inch! - covert comic "There are some people that if they don't know, you can't tell them." ~ Louis Armstrong "Redistribute all you want. In six months, the folks who were poor will be poor again, the rich will be rich again." - CanyonAg77 "Though I see no morality in stealing from the rich to give to the poor." - CanyonAg77 "Capitalism - God's way of determining who is smart, and who is poor." - Swanson Pyramid of Greatness There's plenty out there for everyone, we don't need to take from one to give to another (and it's morally wrong to do so). - heavens11 Ultimately, a salary is nothing more than a reflection of the value society places on your skill set. - Maroon Dawn The government can't give you anything without first taking it away from someone else. - Sims "The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time." - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) "Silence is argument carried out by other means." - Ernesto"Che"Guevara (1928-1967) "Well done is better than well said." - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) "The average person thinks he isn't." - Father Larry Lorenzoni "Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd." - William Congreve (1670-1729) "Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century." - Lewis Perelman "Dogma is the sacrifice of wisdom to consistency." - Lewis Perelman "Sometimes it is not enough to our best; we must do what is required." - Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965) "The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready." - Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862) “Someone has described a modern American as a person who drives a bank-financed car over a bond-financed highway on credit card gas to open a charge account at a department store so he can fill his Savings and Loan financed home with installment-purchased furniture.” Debt is a form of bondage. “The borrower is servant to the lender” (Proverbs 22:7). During the time of the patriarchs, more often than not, an individual became a slave precisely because he or she was a debtor. Unfortunately, humanity hasn’t learned much, and thus not much has changed, in 4,000 years. Admittedly, we are no longer thrown into physical bondage, but too often we have become slaves to material possessions through over extension of credit. Debt shows lack of contentment. “For I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. … And I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need” (Philippians 4:11, 12). Debt presumes on the future. “Go to now, ye that say, To day or to morrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and get gain: Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor, that appear for a little time, and then vanish away” (James 4:13–16). Avoid get-rich-quick schemes. “A faithful man shall abound with blessings: but he that maketh haste to be rich shall not be innocent” (Proverbs 28:20). “The wicked borroweth, and payeth not again” (Psalm 37:21). "Those blessed by the Lord shall possess the land, but those cursed by him shall be cut off." (Psalms 37:22) But the meek shall possess the land, and delight themselves in abundant prosperity. - Psalms 37-11 The wicked plots against the righteous, and gnashes his teeth at him; but the Lord laughs at the wicked, for he sees that his day is coming. - Psalms 37-12 Refrain from anger and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil. For the wicked shall be cut off; but those who wait for the Lord will possess the land. - Psalms 37-8, 9 I, Pencil (invisible hand) Quotes from Vanilla Sky (2001) Sofía : I'll tell you in another life, when we are both cats. David : Even in my dreams, I'm an idiot who knows he's about to wake up to reality. Sofía : Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around. Various: Open your eyes. Rebecca Dearborn : This is a revolution of the mind. Brian : Just remember, the sweet is never as sweet without the sour, and I know the sour. Rebecca Dearborn : Most of us live our whole lives... without any real adventure to call our own. Rebecca Dearborn : What is any life without the pursuit of a dream? David : I'm frozen and you're dead, and I love you. Brian : You will never know the exquisite pain of the guy, who goes home alone. Sofía : But I just think good things will happen, if you are a good person with a good attitude, don't you think? Edmund : It's been a brilliant journey of self-awakening. And now you've simply got to ask yourself this: What is happiness to you, David? David : The little things... there's nothing bigger, is there? David : Doc, once you've been driven off a bridge at 80 miles an hour, somehow you don't invite happiness in without a full body search. Quotes from Fight Club (1999) Narrator : You wake up at Seatac, SFO, LAX. You wake up at O'Hare, Dallas-Fort Worth, BWI. Pacific, mountain, central. Lose an hour, gain an hour. This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. You wake up at Air Harbor International. If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person? Tyler Durden : Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy ---- we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off. Tyler Durden : You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your ------- khakis. Narrator : When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake. Tyler Durden : Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. Narrator : On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. Tyler Durden : It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything. Tyler Durden : The things you own end up owning you. Narrator : A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 mph. The rear differential locks up. The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now, should we initiate a recall? Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one. Business woman on plane : Are there a lot of these kinds of accidents? Narrator : You wouldn't believe. Business woman on plane : Which car company do you work for? Narrator : A major one. Narrator : I ran. I ran until my muscles burned and my veins pumped battery acid. Then I ran some more. Tyler Durden : Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing. Narrator : And then, something happened. I let go. Lost in oblivion. Dark and silent and complete. I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom. Narrator : Everywhere I travel, tiny life. Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pat of butter. The microwave Cordon Bleu hobby kit. Shampoo-conditioner combos, sample-packaged mouthwash, tiny bars of soap. The people I meet on each flight? They're single-serving friends. Quotes from The Godfather 1, 2, 3 Michael : My father is no different than any powerful man, any man with power, like a president or senator. Kay Adams : Do you know how naive you sound, Michael? Presidents and senators don't have men killed. Michael : Oh. Who's being naive, Kay? Don Corleone : Do you spend time with your family? Good. Because a man that doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man. Don Corleone : What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? If you'd come to me in friendship, then this scum that ruined your daughter would be suffering this very day. And if by chance an honest man like yourself should make enemies, then they would become my enemies. And then they would fear you. Michael Corleone : There are many things my father taught me here in this room. He taught me: keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. Don Lucchesi : Finance is a gun. Politics is knowing when to pull the trigger. Michael Corleone : Just when I thought that I was out they pull me back in. Michael Corleone : "The only wealth in this world is children. More than all the money, power on the earth." Michael Corleone : Never hate your enemies. It affects your judgment. Quotes from Gattaca (1997) Vincent : There's no gene for fate Vincent : You want to know how I did it? This is how I did it, Anton: I never saved anything for the swim back. Vincent : I was never more certain of how far away I was from my goal than when I was standing right beside it. Vincent : For someone who was never meant for this world, I must admit I am having a hard time leaving it. Although they say every atom in our bodies was once part of a star. Maybe I'm not leaving... maybe I'm going home. Vincent : Is the only way you can succeed is to see me fail? Vincent : You are the authority on what is not possible, aren't you Irene? They've got you looking for any flaw, that after a while that's all you see. For what it's worth, I'm here to tell you that it is possible. It is possible. Vincent : It's funny, you work so hard, you do everything you can to get away from a place, and when you finally get your chance to leave, you find a reason to stay. “The wicked borroweth, and payeth not again” (Psalm 37:21). "The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible." - A Yale University management professor in response to student Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.) "Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" - H. M. Warner (1881-1958), founder of Warner Brothers, in 1927 "We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." - Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962 "Everything that can be invented has been invented." - Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899 "Denial ain't just a river in Egypt." - Mark Twain (1835-1910) "A pint of sweat saves a gallon of blood." - General George S. Patton (1885-1945) "After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one." - Cato the Elder (234-149 BC, AKA Marcus Porcius Cato) "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) "Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something." - last words of Pancho Villa (1877-1923) "The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins." - Oliver Wendell Holmes (1841-1935) "The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense." - Tom Clancy "It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog." - Mark Twain (1835-1910) "It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both." - Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527), "The Prince" "Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame." - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) "The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep." - Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." - Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks "Half this game is ninety percent mental." - Yogi Berra See the truth, and you will see me. Let your love flow outward through the universe, To its height, its depth, its broad extent, A limitless love, without hatred or enmity. Then as you stand or walk, Sit or lie down, As long as you are awake, Strive for this with a one-pointed mind; Your life will bring heaven to earth. Sutta Nipata Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. I teach one thing and one only: that is, suffering and the end of suffering. Having a wider heart and mind is more important than having a larger house. Happiness does not come from having much, but from being attached to little. - Venerable Cheng Yen Remember always that you are just a visitor here, a traveler passing through. your stay is but short and the moment of your departure unknown. None can live without toil and a craft that provides your needs is a blessing indeed. But if you toil without rest, fatigue and weariness will overtake you, and you will be denied the joy that comes from labor's end. Speak quietly and kindly and be not forward with either opinions or advice. If you talk much, this will make you deaf to what others say, and you should know that there are few so wise that they cannot learn from others. Be near when help is needed, but far when praise and thanks are being offered. Take small account of might, wealth and fame, for they soon pass and are forgotten. Instead, nurture love within you and and strive to be a friend to all. Truly, compassion is a balm for many wounds. Treasure silence when you find it, and while being mindful of your duties, set time aside, to be alone with yourself. Cast off pretense and self-deception and see yourself as you really are. Despite all appearances, no one is really evil. They are led astray by ignorance. If you ponder this truth always you will offer more light, rather then blame and condemnation. You, no less than all beings have Buddha Nature within. Your essential Mind is pure. Therefore, when defilements cause you to stumble and fall, let not remorse nor dark foreboding cast you down. Be of good cheer and with this understanding, summon strength and walk on. Faith is like a lamp and wisdom makes the flame burn bright. Carry this lamp always and in good time the darkness will yield and you will abide in the Light. Dhammavadaka When one does what Buddhas do, one is a Buddha. When one does what Bodhisattvas do, one is a Bodhisattva. When one does what Arhats do, one is an Arhat. When one does what ghosts do, one is a ghost. These are all natural phenomena. There are no shortcuts in cultivation. - Master Hsuan Hua Birth and Death is a grave event; How transient is life! Every minute is to be grasped. Time waits for nobody. - Inscription on a Zen Gong "There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole." - Bill Wulf "There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher." - Flannery O'Connor (1925-1964) "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965) "I criticize by creation - not by finding fault." - Cicero (106-43 B.C.) "Love is friendship set on fire." - Jeremy Taylor "My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate." - Unibomber Theodore Kaczynski, when asked in court what his current profession was "Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats." - Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956) "Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run." - Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936) "The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them." - Mark Twain (1835-1910) "Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing." - Wernher Von Braun (1912-1977) "There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." - Albert Einstein (1879-1955) It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult. Seneca (5 BC - 65) Remember that lost time does not return. Thomas a Kempis (1380 - 1471) There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that can read binary and those that cannot. There are 3 types of people in this world. Those that can count and those that can't. As Thoreau wrote: "Unjust laws exist: shall we be content to obey them, or shall we endeavour to amend them, and obey them until we have succeeded, or shall we transgress them at once?" > Once the game is over, the King and the pawn go back in the same box. Italian Proverb To know the road ahead, ask those coming back. Chinese Proverb Trumpet in a herd of elephants; crow in the company of cocks; bleat in a flock of goats. Malayan Proverb Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly. Terence When you travel, remember that a foreign country is not designed to make you comfortable. It is designed to make its own people comfortable. Clifton Fadiman Certainly, travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living. Miriam Beard Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. Robert Frost (1874 - 1963), The Road Not Taken The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. F. Scott Fitzgerald (1896 - 1940) What's money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do. Bob Dylan But pain... seems to me an insufficient reason not to embrace life. Being dead is quite painless. Pain, like time, is going to come on regardless. Question is, what glorious moments can you win from life in addition to the pain? Lois McMaster Bujold Eternity is not something that begins after you are dead. It is going on all the time. We are in it now. Charlotte P Gilman Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them. Bill Vaughan No one could make a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little. Edmund Burke Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. Brendan Gill He that keeps his mouth keeps his life: but he that opens wide his lips shall have destruction. -Proverbs 13:3 There is one who pretends to be rich, but has nothing; Another pretends to be poor, but has great wealth. -Proverbs 13:7 If you are wise, it is to your own advantage; and if you are arrogant, you alone shall bear it. -Proverbs 9:10 Pride precedes a disaster, and an arrogant attitude precedes a fall. (Proverbs 16:18) Pride goes before destruction and haughtiness before a fall. (Proverbs 16:18) Be patient and you will finally win, for a soft tongue can break hard bones. (Proverbs 28:13) Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless. (Ecclesiastes 1: 2) Do not be wise in your own eyes (Proverbs 3: 7) Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth. (Proverbs 27: 1) Who hates ill-gotten gain will enjoy a long life (Proverbs 28: 16) If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. (Matthew 5: 29) The wicked flee when no man pursueth: but the righteous are bold as a lion. (Proverbs 28:1) "Don't tell God how big your problem is. Tell your problem how big God is." Fleas claim to be pro-dog. A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. Robert Frost It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English -- up to fifty words used in correct context -- no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese. Carl Sagan A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a "Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble. -- Mahatma Ghandi ... A booming voice says, "Wrong, cretin!", and you notice that you have turned into a pile of dust. A bore is someone who persists in holding his own views after we have enlightened him with ours. A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward. A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other. A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness. A city is a large community where people are lonesome together -- Herbert Prochnow A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. -- Mark Twain A closed mouth gathers no foot. A computer, to print out a fact, Will divide, multiply, and subtract. But this output can be No more than debris, If the input was short of exact. -- Gigo A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking. A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. -- Ben Franklin A day without sunshine is like night. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. A fool must now and then be right by chance. A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. -- Ogden Nash A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular. -- Adlai Stevenson A Galileo could no more be elected president of the United States than he could be elected Pope of Rome. Both high posts are reserved for men favored by God with an extraordinary genius for swathing the bitter facts of life in bandages of self-illusion. -- H. L. Mencken A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. -- William James A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. -- H. H. Munroe A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new game. Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the water's edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match. Then, the paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin colony and overfly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over gently onto their backs. -- Audobon Society Magazine A neighbor came to Nasrudin, asking to borrow his donkey. "It is out on loan," the teacher replied. At that moment, the donkey brayed loudly inside the stable. "But I can hear it bray, over there." "Whom do you believe," asked Nasrudin, "me or a donkey?" Congratulations! You have found the quote that belonged to my great uncle, the deposed King of Nigeria. Through a great struggle in our country, we had thought the quote was lost until now. I will be happy to transfer the sum of $19,000,000.00 USD to your bank account in exchange for the quote. Please provide me with the following: Name: Address: Date of Birth: Social Security Number: Bank Name: Account Number: "Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace." - Buddha "He that would live in peace and at ease, Must not speak all he knows, nor judge all he sees" - Benjamin Franklin "He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind." - Buddha "Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances." - Mahatma Gandhi "If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies." - Mother Teresa of Calcutta "I offer you peace. I offer you love. I offer you friendship. I see your beauty. I hear your need. I feel your feelings. My wisdom flows from the Highest Source. I salute that Source in you. Let us work together for unity and love." - Mahatma Gandhi "Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without." - Buddha "Peace is more than just the absence of war. True peace is justice, true peace is freedom. And true peace dictates the recognition of human rights." - Ronald Reagan "If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another." - Tenzin Gyatso The 14th Dalai Lama "Peace is not something you wish for; It's something you make, Something you do, Something you are, And something you give away." - Robert Fulghum The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law (Galatians 5:22) A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope. "That's what I like to see", said the priest, "A man helping his fellow man". As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, "Well, he sure doesn't know the first thing about shark fishing." "A programmer is a person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis of being able to turn out, after innumerable punching, an infinite series of incomprehensive answers calculated with micrometric precisions from vague assumptions based on debatable figures taken from inconclusive documents and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of dubious reliability and questionable mentality for the avowed purpose of annoying and confounding a hopelessly defenseless department that was unfortunate enough to ask for the information in the first place." -- IEEE Grid news magazine A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. A public debt is a kind of anchor in the storm; but if the anchor be too heavy for the vessel, she will be sunk by that very weight which was intended for her preservation. -- Colton "A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives." Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it." -- "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" A real person has two reasons for doing anything ... a good reason and the real reason. A.A.A.A.A.: An organization for drunks who drive "About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends." -- Herbert Hoover According to my best recollection, I don't remember. -- Vincent "Jimmy Blue Eyes" Alo Ah say, son, you're about as sharp as a bowlin' ball. Air is water with holes in it Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of them keeps paying for it. -- Peggy Joyce All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy. All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own importance. All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power -- Ashleigh Brilliant All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies. -- The Book of Bokonon / Kurt Vonnegut Jr. All power corrupts, but we need electricity. All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American are spent by the government in less than a second. -- Jim Fiebig All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score. Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else. "Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing that way." After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. -- Arthur C. Clarke There are a finite number of keystrokes left in your hands before you die. - Hanselman "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." - Plato "Ignorance: the root of all evil." - Plato "Only the dead have seen the end of war." - Plato About 40 years ago Milton Friedman found himself in an Asian country where the government was extremely eager to show off a public works project of which it was inordinately and excessively fond. It was digging a canal. They took Milton out to see this, and he was astonished because there were hordes of workers but no heavy equipment. He remarked on this to his government guide, who replied, "You don't understand, Mr. Friedman. This is a jobs program. That's why we only have men with shovels." To which Friedman said, "Well, if it's a jobs program, why don't they have spoons instead of shovels?" "The price good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men." - Plato "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato We are fast approaching the stage of the ultimate inversion: the stage where the government is free to do anything it pleases, while the citizens may act only by permission; which is the stage of the darkest periods of human history, the stage of rule by brute force. "words must be weighed, not counted" Pretend inferiority and encourage an enemy's arrogance. There are certain persons who when near you seem to draw something from you, to pump you, to absorb your force and your life; a species of vampire... they live at your expense. - Sennevoy A tiger is faster than the man, his claws more deadly, but does that make the tiger more cunning, smarter than the man? No. - Nine Halls of Death The wise Buddha once observed that our greatest weapon is in our enemy's mind, meaning an enemy's blinding anger, greed, hatred, and other negative emotions can all be turned to our advantage, allowing us to 'get inside his head'' in order to throw him off his game. - Lost Fighting Arts of Vietnam Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others. - Dostoevsky Faced with a threatening challenge or confronted by overwhelming odds, the untrained body panics. It is left to the mind to realistically assess the situation and decide the proper course of action: flight or fight, resistance or surrender, life or death... A trained mind is an asset, a tool for survival. - Skinner, Street Ninja Balance is the key: balance in training; balance in life. The FBI was hamstrung by these two strange factors - the attitude of the State Department and the lack of coordination between the various intelligence and counterespionage agencies. When you cannot be deceived by men you will realize the wisdom of strategy. - Musashi, 1645 If my enemy doesn't know where I am going to attack, he is forced to prepare everywhere. Forced to prepare everywhere, he is strong nowhere. Musashi Method #1: Become your enemy. All men are born equal ... and then they go their separate ways. Thus, all can be taught, but not all can learn. Nothing is constant in war save deception and cunning. - T'sao T'sao It is human nature to advance toward gain while retreating from harm. - T'sao T'sao Mastery comes from opportunity. Opportunity is mastered through adapting to changing circumstance. - T'sao T'sao Balance. The universe is a naturally self-balancing system. It rushes to fill a vacuum. It mercilessly thins any species that underestimates or overpopulates. What I know the enemy doesn't know - empowers me. What I know the enemy also knows - challenges me. What the enemy knows that I don't know yet - endangers me. The difference between an amateur and a professional is that a professional knows when to walk away. - Roscoe Cutter When the sage sees the beginning, he knows the end. - The T'ai Kung While the ways of war are extraordinary, all the weapons of war are found in the ordinary. While men sometimes sleep, chickens and dogs warn of an enemy's approach. - The T'ai Kung Both unorthodox tactics and orthodox tactics spring the limitless mind. The greatest of affairs should not be discussed, the movement of troops not spoken about. Those who speak do not know. Those who know do not speak. - The T'ai Kung If the enemy is in range, so are you. - Infantry Journal It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed. - US Air Force Manual Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, obviously never encountered automatic weapons. - General MacArthur Tracers work both ways. - Army Ordnance Manual Five second fuses last about three seconds. - Infantry Journal Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once. - Naval Ops Manual Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do. - Unknown Infantry Recruit If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up to him. - Infantry Journal Though I Fly Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 50,000 Feet and Climbing. - Sign over SR71 Wing Ops You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3. - Paul F. Crickmore The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire. If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage it has to be a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe. - Fixed Wing Pilot When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash. -Multi-Engine Training Manual Without ammunition, the Air Force is just an expensive flying club. If you hear me yell; "Eject, Eject, Eject!", the last two will be echoes.' If you stop to ask "Why?", you'll be talking to yourself, because by then you'll be the pilot. -Pre-flight Briefing from a Canadian F-104 Pilot What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; but If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies. -Sign over Control Tower Door Never trade luck for skill. Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. - Emergency Checklist There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime. -Sign over Squadron Ops Desk at Davis-Montham AFB , AZ You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal. - Lead-in Fighter Training Manual As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives. The rescuer sees the bloodied pilot and asks, 'What happened?' The pilot's reply: 'I don't know, I just got here myself!' Zen masters have known for thousands of years, the human skin does not separate us from the rest of our environment; it joins us to it. - Barash Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once. Space is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen to you. "We abetted wrongdoing and abandoned law-abiding citizens" - Former Dept of Justice Official J. Christian Adams (on voter intimidation case) 2010 "About the Declaration there is a finality that is exceedingly restful. It is often asserted that the world has made a great deal of progress since 1776, that we have had new thoughts and new experiences which have given us a great advance over the people of that day, and that we may therefore very well discard their conclusions for something more modern. But that reasoning can not be applied to this great charter. If all men are created equal, that is final. If they are endowed with inalienable rights, that is final. If governments derive their just powers from the consent of the governed, that is final. No advance, no progress can be made beyond these propositions. If anyone wishes to deny their truth or their soundness, the only direction in which he can proceed historically is not forward, but backward toward the time when there was no equality, no rights of the individual, no rule of the people. Those who wish to proceed in that direction cannot lay claim to progress. They are reactionary. Their ideas are not more modern, but more ancient, than those of the Revolutionary fathers." President Calvin Coolidge, Address at the celebration of the 150th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence "if you lay down with dogs, you get up with fleas" "when seconds matter, the police are just minutes away" Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something. Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire. Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm. -- Publius Syrus Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. -- Samuel Goldwyn Anything free is worth what you pay for it. As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. -- Albert Einstein Associate with well-mannered persons and your manners will improve. Run with decent folk and your own decent instincts will be strengthened. Keep the company of bums and you will become a bum. Hang around with rich people and you will end by picking up the check and dying broke. -- Stanley Walker At Group L, Stoffel oversees six first-rate programmers, a managerial challenge roughly comparable to herding cats. -- The Washington Post Magazine, 9 June, 1985 Avoid reality at all costs. The truth is, when all is said and done, one does not teach a subject, one teaches a student how to learn it. Teaching may look like administering a dose, but even a dose must be worked on by the body if it is to cure. Each individual must cure his or her own ignorance. Walking on water and developing software from a specification are easy if both are frozen. - E. Berard Simplicity and flexibility will trump optimization and power in a world where connectivity is the key. - A. Bosworth (paraphrased by David Bank in Breaking Windows, page 203) ...and then it occurred to me that a computer is a stupid machine with the ability to do incredibly smart things, while computer programmers are smart people with the ability to do incredibly stupid things. They are, in short, a perfect match. - B. Bryson Press on. Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education alone will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. - C. Coolidge Time is an excellent teacher; but eventually it kills all the students. "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance, but the illusion of knowledge. Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgment. If we wish to count lines of code, we should not regard them as lines produced but as lines spent. Simplicity is the soul of efficiency. - A. Freeman (in The Eye of Osiris) Awaken people's curiosity. It is enough to open minds, do not overload them. Put there just a spark. - A. France Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live. - M. Golding There is a race between the increasing complexity of the systems we build and our ability to develop intellectual tools for understanding their complexity. If the race is won by our tools, then systems will eventually become easier to use and more reliable. If not, they will continue to become harder to use and less reliable for all but a relatively small set of common tasks. Given how hard thinking is, if those intellectual tools are to succeed, they will have to substitute calculation for thought. - L. Lamport "Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before," Bokonon tells us. "He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way." -- Kurt Vonnegut, "Cat's Cradle" Brontosaurus Principle: Organizations can grow faster than their brains can manage them in relation to their environment and to their own physiology: when this occurs, they are an endangered species. -- Thomas K. Connella Another effective [debugging] technique is to explain your code to someone else. This will often cause you to explain the bug to yourself. Sometimes it takes no more than a few sentences, followed by an embarrassed "Never mind, I see what's wrong. Sorry to bother you." This works remarkably well; you can even use non-programmers as listeners. One university computer center kept a teddy bear near the help desk. Students with mysterious bugs were required to explain them to the bear before they could speak to a human counselor. - B. Kernighan & D. Pike (in "The Practice of Programming" pp. 123) Chance favors the prepared mind. - L. Pasteur The best way to get a good idea is to get a lot of ideas. - L. Pauling There are only two kinds of programming languages: those people always bitch about and those nobody uses. - B. Stroustrup It's easy to cry "bug" when the truth is that you've got a complex system and sometimes it takes a while to get all the components to co-exist peacefully. - D. Vargas The computer programmer ... is a creator of universes for which he alone is the lawgiver ... universes of virtually unlimited complexity can be created in the form of computer programs. Moreover ... systems so formulated and elaborated act out their programmed scripts. They compliantly obey their laws and vividly exhibit their obedient behavior. No playwright, no stage director, no emperor, however powerful, has ever exercised such absolute authority to arrange a stage or a field of battle and to command such unswervingly dutiful actors or troops. - J. Weizenbaum (Computer Power and Human Reason, page 115) If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world. - L. Wittgenstein Technical skill is mastery of complexity, while creativity is mastery of simplicity. - E. C. Zeeman Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. - Benjamin Franklin The big thieves hang the little ones. Many of the wise are dressed in rags. Morbidly obese is the new husky. Philip Slater - Americans continually find themselves in the position of having killed someone to avoid sharing a meal which turns out to be too large to eat alone. Lily Tomlin - The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. F.E. Trainer - We must live more simply so that the poor may simply live. It has been said that the hungry cannot hear. In my experience the exact opposite is true, it is the satisfied that cannot hear. What kind of person to be?, a kind to use people and love things?, or to love people and use things? Booker T. Washington - Success is to be measured not so much by the position one has reached in life, as by the obstacles which one has overcome while trying to succeed. Michael Lerner - "This focus on money and power may do wonders in the marketplace, but it creates a tremendous crisis in our society. People who have spent all day learning how to sell themselves and to manipulate others are in no position to form lasting friendships or intimate relationships... Many Americans hunger for a different kind of society -- one based on principles of caring, ethical and spiritual sensitivity, and communal solidarity. Their need for meaning is just as intense as their need for economic security." Native American saying - We do not inherit the Earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children. Jesus Christ - It would be easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Norman Douglas - Education is a state-controlled manufactory of echoes. Pig Parable: Do you know how to catch wild pigs? You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come every day to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence. They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side. The pigs, which are used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat that free corn again. You then slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd. Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught. Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are used to it, so they accept their captivity. 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore", says the inscription on the Statue of Liberty. "Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me. I lift my lamp beside the golden door" Will Durant - Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance. "Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms should be a convenience store, not a government agency." "The world is a dangerous place. Somehow, I think that humanity will soldier on." "Funny how justice often smells like gunsmoke." - Mauser101 "Breaking into someone's house in Texas is a death wish for any criminal, just like it should be." "I think most burglars would be well-advised to consider relocating their operations to states that don't allow guns." "Quantity not Quality" - Various A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. I tell you this, and I tell you plain: What you have done, you will do again. You will bite your tongue, careful or not, Upon the already-bitten spot. Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. No one is listening until you fart. I’ve never met anyone who wanted to save the world without taxing me. Socialism: If you have two cows, you give one to your neighbor. Communism: If you have two cows, you give them to the government and the government then gives you some milk. Fascism: If you have two cows, you keep the cows and give the milk to the government; then the government sells you some milk. New Dealism: if you have two cows, you shoot one and milk the other; then you pour the milk down the drain. Nazism: If you have two cows, the government shoots you and keeps the cows. Capitalism: If you have two cows, you sell one and buy a bull. Nanny Stateism: If you have two cows, we’re going to show up at your house at dawn with a cease-and-desist letter and forbid you to do anything useful with their milk until you comply with General Laws Chapter 94, Sections 13 and 16 through 16K, Chapter 94A, and the regulations found in 330 CMR 27.00 et seq. Liberalism consists of ideas that sound good in the absence of common sense and natural consequences. Just keep saying what your policies INTEND to do and don't mention who they affect and who pays for it. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. There is great need for a sarcasm font. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? Was learning cursive really necessary? Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5, I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. Bad decisions make good stories. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection again. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber and dumber every year? There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time! Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number. No one ever says "It's only a game" when his team is winning. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it. jesus is on the cross he calls to peter and peter tries to approach and the roman guards prevent him with violence they blacken his eye and scuff him up pretty good and jesus calls him again jesus: peter. and peter cries "i'm coming lord" and throws himself at the guards who beat him roughly and break his arm at which point he whimpers off again jesus calls to peter jesus: peter... peter yells to christ "i am coming!" and he throws himself at the guards again putting up a vicious struggle but not laying a hand of violence on the guards finally they consent to let him pass and peter .. his broken arm.. badly bruised and slashed makes it before jesus and kneels and says "i am here lord what is it that you want of me?" jesus: peter, i can see your house from here John W. Foster - The pride of dying rich raises the loudest laugh in hell. David P. Gardner - We learn simply by the exposure of living. Much that passes for education is not education at all but ritual. The fact is that we are being educated when we know it least. "Things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the unemployment office. Joblessness is no longer just for philosophy majors. Useful people are starting to feel the pinch." -- Kent Brockman "And in environmental news, scientists have announced that Springfield's air is now only dangerous to children and the elderly." -- Kent Brockman "Hello, I'm Kent Brockman, and welcome to another edition of 'Smartline'. Are cartoons too violent for children? Most people would say 'No. Of course not. What kind of stupid question is that?' But one woman says 'yes'...Marge Simpson." -- Kent Brockman "Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing. Well I say, hard cheese." -- Mr. Burns "Inspired by the most logical race in the galaxy, the Vulcans, breeding will be permitted once every seven years. For many of you this will mean much less breeding, for me, much much more." -- Comic Book Guy "And as for your case, don't you worry. I've argued in front of every judge in the state. Sometimes as a lawyer." -- Lionel Hutz "Well, he's kind of had it in for me, since I accidently ran over his dog. Actually, replace 'accidently' with 'repeatedly', and replace g' with 'son'." -- Lionel Hutz > "Being eaten by crocodile is just like going to sleep...in a giant blender." -- Homer Simpson "If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers." -- Homer Simpson "I'm not gonna lie to you, Marge." ... "Well, goodbye" -- Homer Simpson "If he's so smart, how come he's dead?" -- Homer Simpson "Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel." -- Homer Simpson "You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'." -- Homer Simpson "We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy." -- Milhouse Van Houten "Kenny's family is so poor that yesterday, they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortgage." -- Cartman "Anyway Kenny, Yellow MegaMan is only $8.95, so maybe your mom can put it on layaway and make payments for a year or two." -- Eric Cartman "It's an Afghanistan goat, so it can't stay here, or else it'll choke on the sweet air of freedom." -- Cartman on a goat sent to him and his friends by some kids in Afghanistan "Tolerant, but not stupid! Look, just because you have to tolerate something doesn't mean you have to approve of it! ..."Tolerate" means you're just putting up with it! You tolerate a crying child sitting next to you on the airplane or, or you tolerate a bad cold. It can still piss you off!" -- Mr. Garrison "If there are any questions, direct them to that brick wall over there." -- Network President "Americans make me sick! You waste food, oil, and everything else because you're so rich, and then you tell the rest of the world to save the rainforest because you like its pretty flowers." -- People's Army Leader in the rainforest Bosses want to make money between now and next week, not in a year or ten years. Quality is not something that people want to pay for. That's why our clothes are made by Chinese slaves and our code is made by Indian offshorers. Nobody cares about quality or long-term issues; immediate needs and return on investment is all that is taken into account. For example: Hard drives are horrible for bad quality; You can make a higher-quality drive and have it cost $5 more. Nobody will buy it, since it's more expensive than a competitor's drive with the same visible features. This means that the hard drive manufacturers are pressured into producing the lowest-cost, lowest-quality drives possible. "Did you deem yourself strong, because you were able to twist the heads off civilized folk, poor weaklings with muscles like rotten string? Hell! Break the neck of a wild Cimmerian bull before you call yourself strong. I did that, before I was a full-grown man." -Conan "I'm happier than a wooden spoon at the spelling bee" -xrT Disclaimer: I am not now, nor have I to the best of my knowlege been in the past, an actual collision detection algorithm. If I knew, then I would know. It is bad luck to be superstitious. Being a remora must really suck. Ask not what your rest home can do for you, ask what you can do for your rest home - from 'Bubba Ho-Tep' Hi, I'm Moe, or as the ladies like to call me "Hey you in the bushes." can't cure stupid "he needed killin'" It's not party without a chainsaw - me The pig go. Go is to the fountain. The pig put foot. Grunt. Foot in what? ketchup. The dove fly. Fly is in sky. The dove drop something. The something on the pig. The pig disgusting. The pig rattle. Rattle with dove. The dove angry. The pig leave. The dove produce. Produce is chicken wing. With wing bark. No Quack. - Neural Network by M.A., new CTO and Alex Papadimoulis And folks, this is how Scrum works in real life: The pig go. Go is to the office. Late. The pig look. Look at what? Empty office. The chicken shout. Shout something. The something at the pig. The pig confusing. But the pig follow. Follow with chicken. The chicken very angry. The pig browse. With Google. Chicken blame. Blame is to the White House. Shift blame. Blame is now to Google. The chicken now squawk. Squawk is "B-A-N-N-E-R'. Opera flash. Pig sigh. Sigh is to the chicken. Chicken is fool. Giggle. The DailyWTF giggle. - kuroshin If you think it costs a lot to do it Right, just wait until you find out much it costs to do it Wrong. - Various Cree Indian - Only after the last tree has been cut down. Only after the last river has been poisoned. Only after the last fish has been caught. Only then you will find that money cannot be eaten. EULA: By reading this message and associated disclaimer, you are consenting to agree with the opinions disclosed within. If you disagree with this license agreement, you may not return it for a refund. Probably, but I doubt it - x Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. -Ann Landers If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. -Will Rogers There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. -Ben Williams A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. -Josh Billings The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. -Andy Rooney We give dogs the time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made. -M. Acklam I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. -Rita Rudner Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. -Franklin P. Jones If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons. -James hurber If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. -Unknown Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! -Anne Tyler There are two kinds: The fat rat and the hungry rat. The fat rat is happy with things the way they are, the hungry rat wants to change everything to "make it better". At the very least, he wants more food. The fat rat notices that things are NOT getting better, and asks you to stop trying to change things. The Hungry rat notices that things are NOT getting better, and asks you to change more things faster. Progress. Got to love it. - Kooky Koder "I don't even have to leave my fingers." - Bill Hurley To achieve value multiplicity, we must endeavor to fathom our cool totals. - buzzword generator Some associates have remarked that I speak meaningless buzz-phrases. Actually, I pave the road to the best pilot infrastructures. - buzzword generator The New Deal did not get America out of the Great Depression; World War II did. Generally speaking, the expansion of government at the federal level has not, by and large, been good for the American people. - Texas Governor Rick Perry Don't underestimate the value of associates who lead the industry with cooperative revenue injections. - buzzword generator "I have made millions, but they have brought me no happiness." - John D. Rockefeller "If I had my life to live over again, I'd be a $30-a-week librarian." - Andrew Carnegie "I was happier when doing a mechanic's job." - Henry Ford "There is always the question. You wonder if people like you - or the inevitable disturbing question: 'Are they after something?'" - Mary Lea Johnson, Johnson & Johnson heiress "Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can't lose." - Bill Gates "Times fun when you're having flies" - Kermit the Frog “The whole mentality around Earth Hour demonizes electricity. I cannot do that, instead I celebrate it and all that it has provided for humanity…. It invites people to become sanctimonious do-gooders by turning off trivial appliances for a trivial amount of time, in service of some ill-understood abstract concept of “the Earth,” all the while hypocritically retaining the real benefits of electricity. …… I don’t want to go back to nature. Haiti just went back to nature. For humans, living in “Nature” meant a short life span marked by violence, disease and ignorance. People who work to end poverty and disease are fighting against nature. I hope they leave their lights on. …… …through the use of pollution control technology and advanced engineering, our air quality has dramatically improved since the 1960s despite the expansion of industry and the power supply. If, after all this, we are going to take the view that the remaining air emissions outweigh all the benefits of electricity, and that we ought to be shamed into sitting in darkness for an hour, like naughty children who have been caught doing something bad, then we are setting up unspoiled nature as an absolute, transcendent ideal that obliterates all other ethical and humane obligations. No thanks. I like visiting nature but I don’t want to live there, and I refuse to accept the idea that civilization is something to be ashamed of. -Ross McKitrick "some of the environmental lobbyists of the Western nations are the salt of the earth, but many of them are elitists. They've never experienced the physical sensation of hunger. They do their lobbying from comfortable office suites in Washington or Brussels. If they lived just one month amid the misery of the developing world, as I have for fifty years, they'd be crying out for tractors and fertilizer and irrigation canals and be outraged that fashionable elitists back home were trying to deny them these things" - Norman Borlaug, Nobel Peace Prize winner, credited with saving over a billion people from starvation 4,000,000 lemmings can't be wrong -JD